Honouring the demons

The way I see life it is a complex affair and hard work to navigate.

I have my preferences and dislikes, sympathies and antipathies. I have my unique way of perceiving the world and in my search for belonging I gravitate towards things and people that seem to resonate with my perceptions and my values.

However even with the most like minded of people there will still be differences and diversity. Various situations and challenges will bring those differences to the surface. This is the nature of co-living and being interdependent as human beings. How we navigate difference – our own and others – will vary massively.

No one will see life and the world the way I see it. This is the only real loneliness I experience – sometimes it can create strong feelings of disconnect and grief. Other times it feels magical and exciting. Like I have something unique to offer the world because I am truly unique – and that goes for every single person on the world.

I even have parts within me (and I hear voices) that have a their own unique perception of situations I encounter and they can be keen to have their opinions heard. This can make me feel confused and frustrated. I can get annoyed with the lack of internal coherence and congruence. I want to be one thing, simple and straight forward. Clear to me and to others. Not a multi layered, organic and constantly changing heap of human chaos.

The most painful part of being aware of my own complexity and the complexity around me is the growing belief that there is no right or wrong. The are no simple answers, no simple solutions and no best way forward. Just choices with consequences. Only things that feel agreeable – and things that feels disagreeable. And this changes as I change. Through the day, through a month, through out my life.

At any time which ever part of me that is at the front will dictate my antipathies and sympathies. These are the demons of my life, getting in the way of connecting with others and more importantly with myself. When I perceive something as good it automatically defines what I will consider bad. I get caught in a binary world where my heroes will shape my enemy images and vice versa. Where some types of difference become a threat to me, my sense of identity and my preferences. And war is to easy to wage… I see enemies and demons and I feel compelled to challenge them, exorcise them, change the world so that there is no space for them. Cause surely that will be a better world…

But if I wage a war against the demons I perceive as surrounding me, I will wage a war within me. Because even though I am unique and at times feel deeply disconnected, I am never separate. The demons are within me.

So I thought I would try to name as many demons that come to mind when I think of my preferences and prejudices.

Name them to honour them. Honour the organic chaotic complexity of human beings and human life on this planet. I expect the list to be endless but I will make a start.

Demon of self pity

Demon of righteousness

Demon of apathy

Demon of power

Demon of powerlessness

Demon of insecurity

Demon of conviction

Demon of diplomacy

Demon of generosity

Demon of control

Demon of ignorance

Demon of loyalty

Demon of acceptance

Demon of freedom

Demon of pain

Demon of criticism

Demon of negligence

Demon of distrust

Demon of destruction

Demon of assumptions

Demon of generalisations

Demon of pretence

Demon of honour

Demon of suppression

Demon of expression

Demon of honesty

Demon of truth

Demon of kindness

Demon of greed

Demon of peace

Demon of forgiveness

Demon of hierachy

Demon of dominance

Demon of structure

Demon of chaos

Demon of suffering

Demon of decay

Demon of growth

Demon of divisiveness

Demon of uniformity

Demon of perfection

Demon of fallability

I see you around me, I feel you within me. I name you. I honour you.

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